Welcome to Bahrain: an all inclusive island guide!

Did you know that Bahrain was first referred to as “The Garden of Eden” because it was completely covered in palm trees?! The name Bahrain (Al-Bahrayn) literally means “two seas” in Arabic, because there was a sweet (freshwater) sea and a salt sea. However, after excessive drilling, the barrier between the two was ruptured and saltwater overtook a vast majority of the sweet water (with the exception of several privately owned wells.) Have a hard time imagining all this after your dusty walk through the streets of Juffair? Yeah same, but one last mind-bender... the Gulf Hotel - WAS ORIGINALLY ON THE GULF! The island has been significantly expanded to include an additional 51 Islands ***oh weird I thought they were naturally created in all those funny shapes.

ANYWAYS! Let’s get to the good stuff. You are probably here because you’re new on the island or have returned for another illustrious port call, welcome! Enjoy these lists on where to stay, eat, play, and work out.

Oh, you want a staycation from reality?

Al Areen $$$$$ every time! Located in Zallaq (about 40 minutes South of base), this resort offers private 1, 2, & 3 bedroom pool villas that are completely shut off from the outside world. Romantic weekend? You don’t need any clothes.. go from the pool to the hot tub, to the outdoor shower, to the steam room, and maybe to the bath if you’re still feeling dirty ;) Looking to party with the girls? Order hookah to your room and maybe still skip the clothes - I’m not here to judge. Just make sure to BRING YOUR OWN BOOZE! Check out my Al Areen post for pictures.

Feeling beachy? Ritz Carlton $$$, Jumeirah $$$, Art Rotana $$, 4 Seasons $$$$ and Sofitel $$ are all great options for beach access. Even better is that they all do brunch as well.

Lagoona $$ Overlooking the West coast of Bahrain this resort is usually frequented by our Saudi neighbors but offers HUGE penthouse apartments with rooftop pools.

Wyndham at Bahrain bay $$ (the cinnamon twist building next to 4 SZNS) had epic rooms with giant triangle bathtubs but is lacking in overall resort vibes IMO.

For more pictures and details on what sets these resorts apart check out my individual reviews!

On Fridays, we BRUNCH!

From my experience, I am under the impression that getting obliterated from 1200-1600 on Friday is a long-standing Middle Eastern tradition and I will not believe anything to the contrary. Here is the tea on where to go to suit your vibe:

Movenpick: The gold standard. It’s got something for everyone; the food is delicious and the entertainment is lively. I’d venture to say that this is consistently the most popular brunch on Island. Go here if you have a large group with varying priorities. (36 BHD, goes till 5 PM.)

a living painting selfieCantina Khalo at the Ritz Carlton: My personal favorite! Is it because I love Mexican food? Because a quality handcrafted margarita gives me feelings? Or because I’m game for any restaurant inspired by a woman who made a living pain selfies? I don’t know, but probably all of the above! The food here is ORGASMIC and the decor is #lifegoals. There is no real dance floor, but if you are okay substituting a roaming mariachi band in lieu of some bump and grind, then this ambiance leaves nothing to be desired. Note: Cantina has fewer physical food stations, but you can order unlimited food from their brunch menu. SATURDAY BRUNCH NOT FRIDAY! (36.5 BHD w/ alcohol & 23 BHD w/o)

Crowne Plaza: In the mood to be kind of ratchet and disappoint Dad? This is the spot for you! Full disclosure, I was completely underwhelmed by their food, but that’s not why anyone comes here anyways. Come to Crowne and be your worst self with more dumpster people who are also looking to make some fun mistakes. (19.95 BHD w/ alcohol & 15.95 BHD w/o)

Bushido: Sushi fan? Say no more! Made-to-order sushi and a vast selection of live cooking stations will fill you up while you relax among mystic zen vibes that transport you far away from the Middle East. Listen to live jazz and, after brunch, move to the patio to enjoy some shisha near the koi pond. Pro tip: If you are looking to have a large work gathering, this is a great option. Bushido is not plagued by the fratty mess that is standard by the end of Friday brunch. (26.5 BHD w/ alcohol & 19 BHD w/o)

Don’t let your buzz fade, keep the party rolling, and continue on to a post-brunch spot like Davey Crocketts or McGettigans! More details in my “Where to drink” post!

Beach please…,

Solymar: Luxury beach by day and night club in the evening, it is one of the few places that has been open during Covid. A day pass for the beach costs 20BHD.. which is ridiculous, and they have been known for turning men away. HOWEVER, if you stay at The Grove Resort on Amwaj, you are entitled to free day passes with the room and they can’t turn you away. Spoiler alert, the room costs less than the price of 2 day passes! This is because Solymar is technically the “hotel bar” and the Grove is where it hangs the liquor license…You’re welcome.

Jarada Island: Pictured right, a disappearing sandbar island that is only accessible by boat. I know there are companies for hire but don’t have any experience using them.

Reef Island: A completely man made beach within an island; the day pass costs 5BHD. The drinks are strong and facilities are nice. Located near City Centre mall.

Marasi: Currently closed due to Covid restrictions, typically costing 2BHD per person. For an additional fee, you can also utilize the Bahrain wakeboard cable park or rent: water equipment, jet skis, and boat tubes.

Al Dar: The most challenging to get to but worth the weekend trip. Access is by boat taxi, which is usually 8BHD per adult, but sometimes varies on island events (think Ladies Day!) Shuttles begin every day at 9 am, including during Ramadan (and apparently Corona Virus) on a first come first serve basis. Al Dar rents out dope cabanas with grills, so bring your own food and drink. Just so you know - the shuttle for returns is usually packed.

Grocery stores. Where's the pork?

NEX: Go here for American products, anything specialized, and obviously booze! However, produce, meats, and locally farmed things should be price checked - if it is getting shipped from the USA, the cost will go up and could surpass prices out in town. I’ve seen Florida’s Natural orange juice for $11- STUPID. Pork is WAY cheaper here but frozen.

Alosra: The Sprouts of Bahrain? The one near the base is quite small, but the one on Amwaj is quite large (but slightly overpriced- they know their audience.) Quality is good and it is always a simple shopping experience, you can even Talabat the food for delivery but be careful about how much you get- I accidentally ordered enough Garlic to kill an entire vampire convention. They also have a secret meat locker in the back where you can buy pork products like the deviant you are…

Lulus: If Bahrain had a Walmart, then this would be it. They have a wide variety of items at cheaper prices than Alosra, but it can be quite hectic during peak hours.

Carrefore: Similar to Lulus, the one at City Centre is quite nice and large, but the one in Oasis Mall is underwhelming.

Budaiya Farmers Market: Currently closed but normally operates seasonally on Saturdays 0800- 1400. You will be shook when you see the fresh produce, plants, paintings, and snacks available in this lush park. Why is the pinnacle always “You won’t even feel like you are in the Middle East!”? IDK, but it is. Bring cash.

Talabat: You’re in luck- the farmers market delivers groceries on Talabat now! But wait…back up… if you don’t know what Talabat is then stop scrolling and go to the app store. Meet your new best friend and maybe worst enemy; Talabat is basically Uber Eats or Postmates with fun fake “deals” (known as gems) that incentivize you to think spending more money = winning! I can’t even start going into my fave Talabatable restaurants, it’s a slippery slope…I’ll tell you later.

When buying produce, take it to the scale to get weighed and priced by an attendant prior to checking out

\RUGS:

Oh, you came to the Middle East and now you have to bring a rug back for Mom? It still blows my mind that we get together with our friends in order to drink and spend thousands of dollars on rugs but alas …RUG FLOPS! The thing is that I always heard “Quality rugs are so much cheaper in the Middle East” but the part no one mentioned is how f*cking expensive they are elsewhere! Anyways, we will all grow up one day and developing a deep appreciation for a quality rug is part of that process. Get some friends and host a flop or go see Abdulla at Oasis Carpets (near shawarma alley). From every person I know, Abdulla is basically the exclusive rug dealer for the military - he will educate you, he will joke with you, he will feed you, and he has taken returns from my friends who drunkenly made rug purchases they shouldn’t have. I’m going to elaborate on this one in more detail in a later post so please share your wisdoms!

Where to work out:

Run: Manama is not the spot for an enjoyable long run, but throw “Marina Beach Garden Park” into your GPS and along the way you will find a bustling waterfront trail that goes all the way down to the Bahrain National Museum. It gets really busy in the evenings, so I generally recommend to run at sunrise instead. Everything is “meh.”

Amwaj Island enjoys a very lively fitness culture from running groups to outdoor exercise classes, and it provides a lot more space and significantly fewer honking horns. The biggest complaint most people have about Amwaj is the commute; it doesn’t bother me personally, but do whatever suits you best.

Cycle: I’ve really been increasing my bike miles the past few months in preparation for the 70.3, and I have had quite the learning curve thus far. If you are going to ride on the streets, do it at sunrise. I know it’s tough to wake up early but hear me out, it isn’t unbearably hot yet and people can actually see you on the road. At night, I have been sideswiped by a car, chased by wild dogs, and, in general, the streets are just much busier. If you are able to drive, put the bike in your car and go South 40 minutes to “Shk Nasser Cycling Loop.” Park next to “Sheikh Nasser Bin Hamad Mosque.” It is a 10k loop around the Sheikh’s equestrian center, and Sheikh Nasser has even provided a fridge filled with complimentary bottled water at the start. In general, this part of the island is much less congested and better for street riding as well. Map of the location below.

Swim: I personally use the base pool for laps. Occasionally, I jump in the Floating City canals because of the convenience, but it is SALTY. Swimming in the bay is a good option, but be cautious of jellyfish during the summer months.

UFC: I love the HIIT and Cycling classes; the facilities are superior to those on base but aren’t worth the price tag on their own. Probably won’t renew the membership TBH.

PURE Yoga and Cycle: The only hot yoga in Bahrain! It comes with a pretty price tag: think Corepower or Soul Cycle. I’ll treat myself on occasion if I’m in a bit of a rut. **shrug** Check the schedule

the Bahrain Rugby Club: Gaelic football is amazing! It is one of the strangest sports I have ever played - think rugby, meets soccer, meets volleyball, but it is an absolute laugh riot to spend time with all these girls. Joining the team was very easy; the Rugby club hosts a selection of other team sports as well. The Military can pay 2BHD for entry without membership which also gains access to the bars and restaurants (this comes in handy during Ramadan). Look into membership here.

Adventure activities:

Bahrain International Karting Circuit: Do this with a big group; the more people you know, the better! Go in the evening once the sun has set to avoid the heat and race under the lights. The International circuit hosts open track days where you can bring your own car, or rent something better than that rental so you can race like a pro. Also, there’s a high ropes course! I haven’t done it yet but my friend Ashley said It’s pretty fun!

Gravity Indoor Skydiving: I am a huge fan…actually this is for huge fans... Whether you are a skydiver or afraid of heights, this tunnel is one of the best in the world and worth a try! At one point, I was at Gravity several times a week because I absolutely love it! Ask about military discounts if you are purchasing significant time or stop by MWR on base for a package beforehand. Check them out!

Pro tip: I have my friends buy the smallest package available and add time by the minute once they have gone in - it works out cheaper. Check your math before doing this in case they catch the glitch any time soon.

Beach Culture for kitesurfing and Stand up Paddleboarding: Located on Bahrain Bay next to the Four Seasons. Beach Culture offers various tours and outdoor activities, like SUP yoga, kiteboard lessons, and kayaking through one of Baharain’s last remaining swamps. It’s a little expensive in my opinion but there is no great alternative if you don’t own your own gear; the location is good and the staff is really friendly- shout out to Claudia! They also have a beach space available for rent with the possibility to add catering.

Wakeboarding: We love waking boarding from the Marina in Amwaj, conditions are epic when the sea isn’t flooded with reckless jetski boys. I don’t have experience using rental companies so I would love some input here.

Other important things everyone should know: The air quality is extremely bad; some of the worst in the world. Rumor is that anyone staying over a year can get it annotated in their medical record for future claims. I developed bronchitis for the first time in my life last November. Check the stats on air quality using your VPN. Michael Jackson’s old house on Amwaj

CORRIANDER = CILANTRO. I learned the hard way; don’t let my frustrations be your frustrations.

The water is super hard , it will damage your hair. Some men have noticed significant thinning and it can increase elasticity which makes it too unhealthy to color. Mitigate bad hair by using a shower filter, taking vitamins and collagen.

THE ONLY PLACE TO GET A PROPERLY THICK MILKSHAKE IS AT DAIRY QUEEN.

Michael Jackson lived in Bahrain and he wore a ladies' abaya to go out in public without being noticed! His sister, Janet, was married to a Qatari businessman at the time.

Bahraini princess, Meriam Al-Khalifa, ran away to marry a FASTCENT Lance Cpl. She now resides happily divorced in Las Vegas living her best hoe life - get it, girl! There’s even a movie now. (*Thirst trap marines rejoice*)

Save your leave dates: TRIPS TO UAE AND OMAN ARE SPEC LIB.

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